That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
