I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
