this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
