can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
