I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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