mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
