Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
