What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
