the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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