I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
