I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
