OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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