1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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