That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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