DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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