Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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