Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
