So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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