So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
