I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck appropriateness.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
do nipples grow back?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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