the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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