I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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