problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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