Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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