We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
