Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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