Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
