You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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