I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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