Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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