I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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