I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
