I haven't been this sober since birth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
