I faked an abortion last night.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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