I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
