one might say we're banned from that church
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
