totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
