trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
