I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
