Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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