The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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