I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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