I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
