Sry I called you an 8
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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