the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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