you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
