Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
