you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
