peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
