ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
