I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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