I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
