i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
