herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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