I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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