Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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