it hurts more in the daytime
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
