what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
