I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
