i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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