I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
