you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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