I am midnight drunk by noon
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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