last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
