She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
