why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
