I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize