i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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