break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
