i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
